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Here We Grow Exceprt: Last Day of Chemo

Paige2017-10-20T18:12:43+00:00October 20th, 2017|

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Well Dad, you always appreciated a good milestone.

Well Dad, you always appreciated a good milestone. While this has been the toughest year, reflecting and remembering all the joyful, funny, adventurous, sweet, tender and laughter-filled moments of our life together has been an unexpected blessing. The past several years were so hard, I think we forgot. But in excavating the past and discovering all the letters, notes, pictures, files, coin pouches chatchke mementos, and listening to ALOT of Barry Manillow, I can see Megan, Missy and I reclaiming these parts of ourselves once again.
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I found an old CD case of yours that had over 15 meditation (and Kabbalah) CDS that must have gone back to when I wasn't even yet a teenager. It surprised me. All this time you made me believe that I was teaching you, but in reality you were holding the space to let me discover a path for myself. And that is the greatest lesson I've taken from this past year, your and Mom's influence and presence is always there. And in the absence of you cheering me on and hearing your famous "atta girl," I'm realizing she is proudly within me and slowly but surely being resourced.
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We will ring a bell (or more realistically a crystal singing bowl) to mark this impossible year milestone and be toasting with Kombucha to your extraordinary life and legacy (in your Barry Manillow flutes that I'm pretty sure Mom would say are most definitely yours:-) Keep up the cosmic shenanigans. That peacock the other day on my fence was an especially nice touch. I feel so grateful to be loved as your daughter in the midst of your life and now in the beyond. I love you forever. 🤍✨🤍

Oh mama. I have a confession, sometimes I look dow

Oh mama. I have a confession, sometimes I look down at one of my hands and for a fleeting moment I think it is yours. And by instinct my other hand grabs it and I close my eyes and am certain I can feel your presence. Your loving, strong, beautiful, grace-filled, dance-loving presence. I guess that is what this year has brought. A kaleidoscope of loving, heart-wrenching, enlightening, magical, gut punching, inspiring, fetal position crying, funny, mystical and sacred moments where I can feel your presence within this cosmic soup of life. I can't logically make sense of all the signs and circumstances you send my way, but my heart knows better and there is no denying they are there, that you are there. We will be baking your famous banana bread, making wishes, and celebrating your generous loving light today. Thank you for being my mama. I love you forever. 🤍✨🤍

Last time we were clearing out the house, we disco

Last time we were clearing out the house, we discovered that Mom and Dad kept a file on all of us. Old report cards, resumes, newspaper articles, letters, etc. Well, it's bittersweet to not be able to share this one, but I think they both would have agreed, this is a framer. Thank you to @statesman and @nicolevillalpando for this cover of the Sunday Lifestyle section. Link in bio. #pebblmoment

Happy Birthday Dad. I wish we were celebrating tog

Happy Birthday Dad. I wish we were celebrating together with your favorite Brodie’s cake or on a beach in Hawaii. But feeling your joy, peace, ease, love and playful energy on the other side is the next best thing. Keep the signs coming, especially the honking birds🦆😂 Give my love to Mom. Love you forever. 🤍✨🤍

Well gosh, I really let it all out on this one. Th

Wanted to capture a few final physical moments fro

Wanted to capture a few final physical moments from the house. Mom and Dad did this when they laid the foundation for the house on 5/7, fifteen years ago. While not planned on our part (but clearly part of the cosmic plan), today is 5/7 and we said goodbye. 😇✨😇

Dad and I loved sharing a sunrise together. Most m

Dad and I loved sharing a sunrise together. Most mornings I wake up to the sunrise and think of him. But this morning, as we say goodbye to the house he and Mom called home for the last 15 years. The home where Mom chose every detail with her signature style and sophistication. The home that served as a sacred sanctuary for that six week period my sisters and I spent with them during their passing almost a year ago, I admittedly feel a bit unmoored not sure what Tulsa as my hometown means. But as I awoke this morning, in a cozy hotel in downtown Tulsa, watching the sunrise over the downtown skyline they were both so proud of, I guess they are once again reminding us of their presence and that even in the midst of a new beginning to keep shining bright, so so bright. ✨🌅💛

I’ll take any day to celebrate two of my favorit

I’ll take any day to celebrate two of my favorite human beings on this earth. But this year, on this #nationalsiblingday, I’m grateful beyond words for my sisters, particularly this year as we navigate our new family unit with a deeper sense of closeness, love, and support.🤍🤍🤍

“And the Day Came When the Risk to Remain Tight

“And the Day Came When the Risk to Remain Tight In a Bud Was More Painful Than the Risk It Took to Blossom.” – Anais Nin
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This was Mom's favorite tree. Every year she would look forward to its blossoming, sharing updates along the way, and finally would send me a picture of its full bloom. I've been anticipating this bloom for a few weeks with a mix of dread and delight. The fact that it always falls around Passover, Mom and Dad's favorite holiday (there was nothing better than a sedar at Karen and Barry’s), makes it all the more difficult.
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It is the marking of another season without their physical presence and me discovering who I am without them cheering me on and reminding me that everything is going to be ok. But like this tree, and all the storms its weathered, the energy it took these buds to bloom, I can witness my own blossoming. I have to believe they can too. ✨🤍✨

Listen, I will ALWAYS be sharing my love of #medit

Listen, I will ALWAYS be sharing my love of #meditation and the role it has played in my life. And yes, we designed @hellopebbl to support people in cultivating a COMFY practice that fits their lifestyle. But at the end of the day, it’s also a practical, functional and really good lookin’ option for extra seating in your living room, office, or outdoors and we are so excited for y’all to experience pebbl for yourselves. Thx for all the launch love. So grateful for you all (promo code love30 still good through next week)

Via: @hellopebbl
Pebbl is so EXTRA😉

🪑EXTRA seating (and easy storage)
☁️EXTRA cush
💙EXTRA love

#mindfulliving #storagesolutions #portablechair

Hi 👋 everyone. Meet @hellopebbl Find amazing

Hi 👋 everyone. Meet @hellopebbl

Find amazing levels of COMFORT & CALM anytime, anywhere with our thoughtfully designed meditation (and more) chair.

Use promo code love30 for 30% launch discount (valid through March 23). Link in bio to order now.

💕8 years💕I don’t have a lot of words, prob

💕8 years💕I don’t have a lot of words, probably for the first time in my life. But as I sit here on a cozy day in Austin, in my favorite love socks and @bomba gripper slippers, with Buck napping on my lap, appreciating my new home. With @hellopebbl, flowers from a friend, a pic of Dad and Obama, and Mom and Hilary in the background. I’m just so grateful for that one moment that stopped me in my tracks 8 years ago that literally awakened a light and love within that I now know is ever present. And to all the moments since, that bring me right here, right now. Every difficult, blissful, unexpected, joyful, complacent, fearful, tearful, surprising, heart wrenching, devastating and delightful moment. Happy Love Day. #cancerversary #8years

Happy 2021. We made it! I know in the past I've be

Happy 2021. We made it! I know in the past I've been guilty of the "new year, new you" messaging. And what's not to love, we all want a clean slate, especially after this past year.
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But you know what, not this year. This year I'm not changing a g✨d, d✨mn thing. Because if I got through last year with a deeper sense of love in my heart, a peace in my being, and more profound connection to myself, others and the divine than I ever knew possible, then I'm doing just fine.
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This year, I'm taking my cues from the sun. I'll show up every day, shine my light and welcome whatever the weather of life brings me knowing I have the practice of presence, kindness in my heart, and the gift of connection as my mainstays. Wishing all a new year of sweet, simple, and serene surrender. 💕✨💕
#morningviews #wegotthis

Hello friends. Hope everyone is staying healthy, s

Hello friends. Hope everyone is staying healthy, safe and taking good care in these truly unimaginable times. While it seems odd to be launching something new, it is with an overwhelming mix of gratitude and humility, a hint of our Dad’s entrepreneurial spirit, and a little of our Mama’s grace, that I’m so proud to welcome you to the Soul Sparks Collective family. Lovingly envisioned alongside my sister @melissa.nathan444, Soul Sparks Collective is designed to serve as a hub, offering products (@hellopebbl coming soon) and services for all things mindful and peace-inducing – reflecting our own ongoing journeys to more centered and grateful living.
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You can read about the history and intention behind our new venture and check out the new site including resources via the link in my bio or by heading over to @hellosoulsparks. Thank you for your support and may each of our sparks continue to shine bright, so so bright. ✨💕✨#soulsparks

Along with my sisters, I wanted to thank everyone

Along with my sisters, I wanted to thank everyone for their love, support, and condolences over these last 6 weeks. Yep, 6 weeks ago, Mom and Dad were driving and doing their thing. And today, on my 46th birthday, we laid them to rest. The grief and sadness is primal and my heart is broken. But if my parent’s legacy and my 46 years of life have taught me anything, it's that heart broken is just code for a heart broken open, and in this openness lies infinite possibilities, love, and resilience.

I've tried to convince myself that this was all part of some master plan that Mom and Dad's souls agreed to before entering this earthly plane. That maybe they decided this is how they would go - together, with my sisters and I by their side. That maybe they wanted to find a way for my sisters and I to spend more time together in our adult lives and come out closer than ever before. That maybe they wanted us to tap into childhood memories, reconnect with friends and loved ones, and listen to their favorite tunes like Dad's fondness of Barry Manilow and Mom's love of anything Motown.

Maybe they chose this time of a global pandemic to remind us that despite physical distance it is possible to feel enveloped in so much love, support and appreciation in the midst of the unimaginable. Maybe they wanted everyone to know that a true love story transcends time. Maybe they gave me the most important birthday gift of all, knowing they are at peace and dancing together again, and that is something to celebrate.

And maybe they knew we would all be ok, knowing their legacy and eternal light now shines bright in every heart they touched which will serve as an anchor as we ride the inevitable waves of grief that are sure to come. Thank you for my life Mom and Dad. I'll love you forever. Here is to always shining bright, so so bright. ✨💛💛✨

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